It’s no subtle hint or buried message that the cover of Brandon Birdwell’s new album shows a cardinal looking in the mirror.
The cardinal has been something of a recurring mascot for the OKC-based singer/songwriter for years, even appearing in both form and name on the 2021 EP “The Cardinal & The Coast.”
So seeing one staring down its own reflection on his new full-length album “How Have I Let You Down?” tells you before even the first note that this is likely to be an introspective, self-critical affair, and makes it pretty clear pretty quickly to whom the title question is directed.
It’s an open-hearted record, laying bare the simplest self-doubts and the most naked confrontations of insecurity and mortality, but underlining them all with an adventurous approach to production and soundscaping that makes even the most stripped-down, classical melodies feel fresh.
None of which is exactly surprising if you know Birdwell’s work.
He’s been turning out earnest, creatively produced indie-folk for years, with a long string of EPs and singles and 2020’s full-length “When I See You in the Morning” before combining powers with lauded local producer Michael Trepangier, drummer extraordinaire Ethan Neel, and OK hip-hop royalty Jabee to create City Cinema.
That collective dropped some of the most rousing and epic crossover pop tracks that OKC has seen in at least a few years, and it feels clear that Birdwell carried a lot of that experience into “How Have I Let You Down?”
Like City Cinema, the new album’s songs play with a bit of everything, incorporating hip-hop beats, glitchy overlays, loads of piano and synth textures, harmonica/melodica/accordion sounds, big distorted guitars, etc.
But all of that production feels intended to be the medium that carries the big, pensive questions Birdwell raises throughout, starting at the title line.
Opener “Heart” builds and swells beneath the persistent repetition of “my heart / how have I let you down? / how have I failed you? / how do I fix it?”
From there, he starts at the beginning, kicking off “Fall Apart” pointedly with “it was all okay when I was younger” before considering how quickly and completely adolescent thoughts of religion and death can spiral into a lifetime of fear, anxiety, and panic attacks. And then more questions follow. Once they start, they never stop.
Each line of the song is sung with a buried, pitched-down vocal following every word, acting like the deep, dark voice inside Birdwell’s head that’s driving all the internal conversations and arguments with himself.
Mostly, his voice remains gentle and close throughout the record, inviting you into his thoughts and helping to keep things intimate even when surrounded by big studio productions and creative walls of sound.
But practically everything contains some small hint of distortion or some faint sheen of glitchiness that keeps anything from ever becoming too clean or too easy. That would undermine the vulnerability that Birdwell is inviting us to be a part of.
The album’s first half is loaded with melodies and lines that feel like they could slot so easily into the traditional folk-rock combo of guitar and piano, making something charmingly simple and accessible. But here, those melodies are spread out across the huge range of instruments and sounds.
To hear those familiar, even comforting melodies coming from unfamiliar and unexpected sources feels somehow way more appropriate here.
The second half begins to veer off into different sonic directions, starting with the pedal-down blues-rock of “One Trip,” almost definitely the most optimistic and encouraging track of the bunch. It’s a welcome mid-point respite reminding you that while we’re getting lost in all the questions, our lives are still flying by.
That’s an important reminder because from there, we’re dropped straight into “When the Flowers Grow Through My Bones,” the album’s most direct confrontation of death, but also of crumbling self-esteem and self-image. It might be the most deeply affecting track here.
Near the end – still keeping his listeners on their toes – we’re met unexpectedly by a cover of The Smiths’ classic “There is a Light that Never Goes Out,” one of the 80s morose-rockers’ more iconic and generationally anthemic tracks.
When The Smiths wrote it, the song was a paean to teenage rebellion in the face of disapproving authority figures and disappointed family.
Coming from Birdwell, in this context alongside all of these questions of life and ruminations on the passage of time, it feels for the first time like an adult instead looking back on a home and a family not abandoned as a runaway, but simply, gradually lost to the years.
The famous “to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die” becomes less about all the car crash imagery and more, perhaps, about the grown-up willingness to grow old alongside someone.
The final track, with much of the production stripped away and little more than a piano remaining, returns again to the same opening questions: “my heart / how have I let you down? / how have I failed you? / how do I fix it?”
Does he ever answer the title question? No. He doesn’t really try to.
That’s because it’s not a question in search of an answer. It’s a mantra to be repeated every single day. By the end, it’s a realization and an acceptance of the inevitability of mistakes and doubt, not an attempt to rid yourself of them.
There’s no way to count the ways that we have let our own hearts down, and no words or melodies to explain them.
But if, like Birdwell, we keep asking those questions of ourselves over and over and over, then maybe we can get better.
And if we can ask them on top of some lush, creatively orchestrated folk-pop, well, that’s just a bonus.
Brandon Birdwell’s new “How Have I Let You Down?” drops on all streaming services Friday, May 24th.
A special limited edition vinyl release is available through brandonbirdwell.bandcamp.com with all pre-order profits donated to Mental Health Association Oklahoma.
He’ll be celebrating the album’s release in performance at Beer City Music Hall Saturday, June 1st along with Roz and Cosmic Skye.
Follow Brandon Birdwell on Instagram at @brandonbirdwell.
Brett Fieldcamp has been covering arts, entertainment, news, housing, and culture in Oklahoma for nearly 15 years, writing for several local and state publications. He’s also a musician and songwriter and holds a certification as Specialist of Spirits from The Society of Wine Educators.